18

I am a child of 18. Is that a possible phrase? I guess it depends on the culture. Being 18 in America marks the age when a person becomes legal in the eyes of the government. What about in the eyes of your parents? And when you reach 21 years you now have the right to consume alcohol freely. But is that a mark of adulthood? These numbers only mean something in American society. And therefore the phrase "I am a child of 18" may only seem odd to me as I live in American society where these numbers signify some sort of leveling up. In other countries or religions the age you are able to gain the right to drink, smoke, become legal, or consume alcohol may vary. But I guess the question I meant to ask is "When are we no longer children?"

Do the lack of barbie dolls and toys chests in our bedrooms and house signal the end of our youth? Or maybe it's when we are given the right to drive. It could even be a certain ceremony such as a bat/bar mitzvah that mark maturity in a person. But I guess overall, it's really a person's own experiences and when they feel they are no longer children that determine their transitions out of childhood. The realization usually wont be sudden unless a certain event happens that they feel is THE turning point. For most, it will be a gradual buildup and one day the realization that they are no longer as they were before.

I most likely left my childhood when I entered high school. Or perhaps it was in 7th grade when my grandpa suffered a stroke. Either way, I know I'm on the other side and can no longer call myself a child.

I am not a child of 18. I am just 18.

Transitions

Nothing is like how it used to be. There it is, the blunt, simple, and summed up version of this post. It's been a gradual build up over time and I'm not exactly sure when the changes started. Perhaps changes have always been a constant in my life but I haven't paid it any notice till now, as I prepare to leave this familiar place.
Maybe I am like that frog in a pot. Let me explain the frog in a pot theory- if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will leap out right away. However, if you put that same frog into a pot filled with water that is room temperature, and then you slowly increase the heat until the water starts boiling, the frog will not become aware of the threat until it is too late. Right now, I feel like I am at that point in which I become aware of the "threat," or in my case, the "changes."
I think the key points in my day that made me realize the occurring changes was the news of the death of my neighbor and the goodbye party I attended. The death of my neighbor made me think back on the two other senior citizen neighbors that had passed in recent years and I started to worry about my own grandparents. I know no one lives forever, but getting "that call" is one thing that I dread when I leave. And just knowing that people I grew up with, grew up right next door to, are no longer there, is a terrifying thought. I will never again wave to them when I leave for work or stop and chat for a minute in the day when getting the mail. The house next door is now empty and what is to become of it, I know not.
The party I attended was a reality check that made me want to hold my soon-to-be-departing friends there forever. I held them as if my grip would stop time, stop them from growing far apart from me. The naked and ugly truth is that once they leave, things will never be the same between us again. Our friendships and relationships with each other may alter drastically or stay strong and slightly change, but it's inevitable that things will be different the next time we meet again. I understood this theory months, maybe even a year ago, but I never came to terms that this day would come so soon. I guess I'm loosing people in a different way than death. Maybe I'm not writing about change but about holding onto people, memories, and relationships that are current slipping out of my life and being replaced by a new era or chapter.
Everything around me is shifting gears and the childhood I used to know and live in is a thing of the past. I know we have to take things as they come. We must deal with change and keep moving on with our lives.

And although I understand and comprehend all of this, I am having a hard time accepting and I still live in the memory of what will soon be what used to be.

long overdue post (081007)

right now, it is 2:30 and i am still awake. and im paddling tomorrow. you know what? im not even going to bother with punctuation and capitalization.

so.

new song on my blog. i decided i needed something upbeat to put me in a better mood all the time. let the music they play at work continue on at home! hmm. i had plenty of ideas what to write about in the shower, but they all got washed down the drain along with the water when i got out. therefore im going to take the easy way out and do a free write, or as i would like to call it, a brain drain. which is basically anything i am thinking in 2 minutes being written down. here we go.

censorship. how much to withhold from the public and how much to release? too much information about myself may be too dangerous but how can i write truthfully and fully if i dont be completely honest about myself and include details of my life. code names may work. i bbqed meat tonight and the smell of vinegar is in my nose. or maybe its all in my head. the vinegar smell i mean. ya i think im just imagining the smell. i cant wait to go to the mainland. but i also worry about my family too because i love them although they may not always think i do. i like pears over apples most of the time. but they cant be mushy.

there we go. thoughts running through my head. not much was going on there under pressure to write but thats ok. this was an incredibly non thought provoking post, but hey, we need some of those once in a while right?