I seem to enjoy writing most when I'm avoiding homework.

Before I entered high school, back in the 8th grade, we had to fill out this paper about goals, ambitions, and the like, as a reflection before moving onto the "next step in life." I hastily wrote generic answers to finish the assignment, but paused when I came across the question "What do you want in life?" I listed the obvious, "a good job, a good home, loving marriage, children," then went onto answers based on more of what i wanted, "no one I loved to die, and to have no regrets when I die. To be satisfied."

The latter of my answers is not going so well at the moment. My life is full of regrets, "could haves, "should haves," and "would haves." I have not yet gained the serenity to accept things I cant change. You know those "time capsules" people write to their future selves? Well now and then I think about if my future self would write to my past self. The letter would go somewhat like this:

Dear Kelly,
Life as a senior is about 75% what you are expecting. Your checklist- great grades, go to prom with THAT guy, spring camp, and lose weight- arent going so well. Your first semester will be your worst semester ever, youre not going with THAT guy to prom, you dont get into spring camp, and you just get fatter and fatter. I take that 75% back. More like 45% happiness. The happiness I do speak of though is awesome band trip, band season, get into Tahitian and eventually Combined, and fun OED. Also new friends and great times at Jamba. Back to 50% happiness I guess? But then again, you have a crappy part in Variety Show, you dont get a lead in triennial, you miss 2 proms, get rejected from USC and BC, and dont have a boyfriend, but weird encounters with THAT guy. Oh ya and did i mention you encounter a death? Never mind, back to 43% happiness. So basically, make the most of your year and try to fix things so the happiness level would be at least 75%.

Love,
Yourself



mmhmm good stuff. i imagine my past self to be somewhat shocked.